Okay, so I know my life is a little different than most of you because I'm playing single mom for a few months, but PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one who goes through this:
I awaken Miles from his wonderful, much-needed nap so that we can get to church on time. (1:00pm - worst time EVER for small children.) This, of course, makes him cranky. I'm putting on the final touches of his Sunday best (because, of course, I'm not crazy enough to let him sleep in them before church) while Luke is "getting his shoes on." Ha. Even if I am reminding him every few seconds to do so ("Luke, are you getting your shoes on?" "Are you done with your shoes?" "You better be getting those shoes on!" - you get the idea. . . .) it makes no difference. Inevitably, by the time I get to the door with Miles all ready, Luke is sitting NEXT to his shoes playing with his Lightning McQueen car - completely oblivious as to what he's supposed to be doing. I put his shoes on for him. Again. I load the boys in the car and get in. However, I have forgotten the essential Sacrament Survival Snacks (yes, i keep my children quiet with food - judge me if you want) and whatever "quiet" toy Luke had requested for the day. So - with the clock ticking - I get out of the car and run back into the house, heels and all. On the road, I drive a little quicker than I should, as a law-abiding Christian on my way to church, but remarkably manage to make it in the building before the Opening hymn begins - so it was totally worth it! We get situated on the end of the pew (just in case i need to remove a less-than-reverent child) and inevitably, end up scooting to the middle of the pew by the end of the hymn to allow others room to sit in our packed chapel. Great. I feel a little claustrophobic knowing that if Miles starts to make noise (which he does 90% of the time) it is going to take a LOT of effort to climb over people on both sides of me before we can escape the room. Luke does a decent job during the Sacrament, because he knows if he is reverent - he is allowed to have his "monkey treats" (aka - fruit snacks to the rest of you) after it is over. Miles is happy exploring the tiny space in between the pews and enjoying climbing up the pew and getting back down. This usually gets us through the Sacrament. Now Miles is bored with those games and starts talking - loudly - to me, Luke, my parents, friends, random other people in the congregation. Luke finds this hilarious and often encourages him, despite the "don't you dare" look in my eyes. So, I quickly find the cheerios or yo-gos or whatever I have today and start putting them in my hand for Miles (and Luke, because it's only fair) to snack on. This works brilliantly until the snacks are gone. Occasionally, Luke will need a potty break around this time, but that's only if he refused to go before we left. By now, Sacrament is about 2/3 over and I'm feeling pretty good we've made it this far. So I start to relax - thinking, "Okay! This is actually working today!" This is when Miles starts his infamous "happy screech!" And I am not kidding - it's a screech. It is LOUD and so high pitched that it puts most sopranos to shame. (he uses this same sound when angry, it's just accompanied by tears.) I start pulling everything out of my diaper bag (aka - mommy's bag-o-tricks) and sometimes the wallet, lip gloss, tissues, pen, random little toys, lotion, keys WORK - and sometimes they don't. Miles is so busy that - even if these items DO work - it is only for a minute or two at most for each item. Then, if the never-ending (and i must say VERY cute) babbling and/or screeching continues, I quickly begin my painfully long exit from the pew. I no longer care that everyone stares at me as I leave. (gratefully, they are usually smiling) Luke either stays with family or friends or follows me out. We then spend the remainder of the meeting in the foyer. I try to listen to the remainder of the speakers, but it becomes increasingly difficult because there are either other loud kids out there to add to mine - or other loud adults. Huh. When the meeting is over, I take Luke to Primary and he looks at me very sad and says, "Oh, mommy! We forgot to bring my scriptures!" Ouch. Next week, I promise. (then i make the mental note to GET IT TOGETHER, kami, and remember the boy's scriptures!) I then sit down in Sunday School, knowing full well that it won't last long. Miles is, of course, too young for Nursery, but too old to even believe that! I make it about 10 minutes tops, then I'm out following him up and down the halls for the next 40 minutes. When Relief Society begins: same deal. I attempt the new room. We make it through the announcements just great. He loves to help me "conduct" the music from our seat and even sings along. Sometimes, he even adds a cute little boogie dance to the hymn we're singing. However, just as everything gets quiet and the lesson begins - his volume is raised and we are, again, in the hall. This time for the remainder of church. I pick Luke up from Sunbeams and, after saying hello to everyone we can, we start to make it down the hall. We do okay till the door to the gym is opened and Luke is reminded how he LOVES that place and runs in. He runs away from me as fast as he can, because "That's part of basketball, Mom." (i didn't know we were playing, but in luke's world - there is ALWAYS a ball game of SOMETHNG in progress!) Ha! I finally capture him and head out the gym door, through the crowded foyer, out into the cold air and somehow manage to unlock the car one-handed with both kids, diaper bag, Primary projects, etc in hand. (i don't have an automatic unlock button on my key ring). I buckle the kids in their seats, get in, take a deep breath and wonder, "What was church about today???"
Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
